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Showing posts from April, 2017

Garden Like a Boss

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I don't know what got into me, but two days ago, I came home from the office, pulled down my driveway, and ripped three, very dead trees out of the ground with my bare hands. Then, as if possessed by what would happen if Bear Grylls and Martha Stewart mated, I ripped open a tube containing 1,000 sunflowers seeds and poured them into my dead tree holes, stomped some fresh dirt over them, imagined a skunk being able to easily sniff them out with the skill of a truffle pig, and buried them a little deeper - with my feet. Then, as if covering up a crime, I lugged the dead tree carcasses to a wooded area on my property (while wearing pretty suede boots with satin laces on them, totally poor choice of tree pulling footwear), and threw them down the small ravine with the 'tude of a Mafia boss who just realized Pauly Cacciatore shorted him ten bucks. "You trees wanna die on me? You think it's funny? Funny how? I make you laugh like a clown? Do I amuse you?" I taught …